diary of a nobody

O.K so I have been away for a while. And my promises of interesting statements are slightly unfounded. Basically Ive just been busy. Mostly working! The reasons Ive actually been getting of my arse and genuinely putting some effort in, as opposed to my usual "I do so many jobs I never get round to doing any of them" crap, Is because of the following.......

1. As i probably already said, former girlfriend hears of my exiting June holiday, realises she actually misses me, and starts emailing me "I wish I was with you in France, we will have to go next year when I come back" etc, etc...

2. Then I start to get daily text conversations. That range from regular chit chat, to late evening for her, lunch time for me "I really miss you, I miss the music we listened to, I miss going off somewhere silly for the day just because we could" etc, etc....

3.Then I mentioned that I'm going to have mini holiday in Rome (her favourite place ever) next month, this resulted in her begging me to not go in September and wait for her return in march ! I was tempted to say how about you not go to Thailand, Cambodia, Australia, and every-other fecking place, you will be going without me!!! but I didn't I just said, don't worry, Rome is not going anywhere we can go anytime, bla, bla, bla.....

4. Then the final nail in the, "I am completely confused as to why this person and I had a fantastic relationship, she buggered off, told me she couldn't continue a relationship when she isn't even here, fails to communicate with me for a month or so, then decides she misses me, but I cant say feck all, for fear of upsetting her trip of a lifetime " coffin .......Is , I send her birthday message, via e-mail, In Gaelic (she is Irish) which was very inventive and very difficult to do (it is almost impossible to translate most concepts directly from english to Irish). And her response to aforementioned birthday message?........................... "I love you"

.........anyway, so I'm working really really hard so that as soon as I can, I will be financially prepared to go off and make sure I get to spend more of my life with the person who I love with all my heart....

Goodness I have been away for a while, and everything looks different? Well anyway I cant stay on the old buttons for long but I shall return soon and hopefully with something of interest to say!

Well the grand exercise regime started today. Not with quite the flourish Id expected. Here follows a plan of my expected day- (yawn....)

*get up v early.

*Go out and cycle for many hours, or at least one hour.

*Paint for most of the day (i.e do some bloody work).

*Come over and use the computer.

..........and that was about it.Of course what I actuly did was-

*get up late to the sound of my father shouting about a veichle log book he has lost (I have so got to move out of home, recently I've spent more time at home than I have in years, and it's really getting me down now!)

*My mother announces that my devious plan to convince her to buy a computer has worked, so I duely escort her to various computer shops, pretending to know what the hell it is she should buy? (as previously explained I know very little about these matters so I decided a lap top was best, mainly so that I can make off with the object much easier. I also decided the greater the numbers used to describe the object the better. Sadly I dont know how great a ram should be, wether one thousend odd mb is ample or 2gb would be more appropriate? Its all a shot in the dark really!)

*Fail to purchase computer, but leave with a wealth of new knowlage.

*Attend to some work with my father(who has stopped wailing at this point)ferrying cars to nearby stafford ready for auction this evening.

*Finally manage to get on my bike (and what a carry on this was, I only went about two miles and then I decided I was a bit cold, and my legs were feeling the strain, and besides I hadnt brought any fluids, therefore running the risk of severe dehydration so I returned forth-with!)

*Did no painting (again)

*Came to use computer

.........and that was that, I feel I have waisted my day slightly.

On a different subject, I spent the whole of yesterday smiling. Why? Because the former girlfriend rang me from Kathmandu! This is how much of a fool I am. I know I should have said a million things along the lines of "Im so pissed off", but no, I said nice things, and just had a pleasent chat, the sort of which I have longed for.She said she was missing me, and she was missing home. Dont get me wrong there was no hint of "lets get back together", Im aware that wont be an option until the return, and Im not so silly as to think you can get back with someone when you are both many miles away from each-other. Anyway however daft it may be, I spent the day smiling?

Today Im walking into shop, someone bangs into me and what do I say? "sorry", I find I'm doing this all the bloody time. Someone steps on my toe, I say sorry, etc, etc...Obviously I'm a polite kinda girl, but I think I should keep the sorry's to occasions when I do something wrong and stop appoligising on behalf of others!.....Anyway here I am in dvd/internet cafe, although it shouldnt really be called a cafe, as it has no form of refreshments or light snacks, or gingham clad surfaces to be seen?
Now I should be working on my paintings (I have 6 commisions waiting to be finished/started) but I felt the more pressing issue of my "must exercise" plan needing attention. So off I went to "bike shop" to buy a new pump, to re-inflate my flat bike tyres. this is where I had my "dont say sorry" idea.Of course while I was out and about I thought I'd better come and mess with a computer for a while...
So my plan is to start cycling on a daily/weekly/yearly basis, I'm not quite sure just how often I will manage yet? Ive decided cycling is best for me, mainly because Ive got worn cartlige in my left knee (or so I say anyway) so jogging is out. Really im at my happiest doing weights or some other non-impact work out, (I hate impact)whilst watching tele.
Alas I do feel I need to move about a bit more (cars dont really do the job. I did think about using some form of public transport, because that allways looks like a lot of moving about. Sadley my freinds told me catching a bus dosent count as a form of exercise, and besides I dont really know where the bus stops are or where the buses go to?)
So after ive fished my bike out from amongst a pile of bikes ive previously bought and mostly just look at from afar. Then I just need to either stop smoking or try and cut down a bit, and then im away?.....................

P.s "sorry" for the awfull spelling today, but the cafe dosent seem to have a spelling aid at the top of the screen like the other computers I use? Im sure theres some simplistic way of sorting it out, but Im far to dim for that!

By the way Stoke-On-Trent is not "10 years" behind, just in case anybody bothers to watch big brother, I don't of course (lying), It was stated the other day that on account of the childlike, behaviour of those twins, all people of my City must be in some way backwards! Well when I heard this whilst watching the wireless, I almost choked on my cup of tea, I immediately, threw on my frock coat and top hat, jumped aboard my new fangled horseless carriage and went to tell my friends. Incidentally they all agreed Stoke on Trent and its surrounding Borough wont be 10 years behind for at least another 75 years!

All change indeed, It would seem that my errant former girlfriend is "missing" me?
Before my secondment to France I was incommunicado with former girlfriend. Now I'm receiving e-mails from the Himalaya's, presents from deli. You would think id be over the moon, yet no, I'm just pretty confused. I mean my logical side says, and allways has said, "She made the dreaded end of relationship call, two weeks after going away she was confused and should have waited a while to settle into her ever changing surroundings. And now she done that four months into the trip, she is starting to realise what was important to her, me!" but I am wavering in my fatalistic attitudes, I actually sat down the other day and for just one moment wished I could go back two years to my previous life where all my friends faces had looked the same for years, and the girls came and went (literally) in my life, with great ease.
I'm still totally in love, if I won the lottery tomorrow, or became reasonably wealthy tomorrow, Id be on a plane to which ever country shes in, just like I reply to all these recent messages with lap dog like cheerfulness. When what I want to say is "I spotted at least two girls in the photos Ive seen on your blog who are SO gay, and therefore I'm worried sick that you may be shagging one or both in some kind of Nepalese orgy (shes in Nepal at the moment), rendering our future happiness lost forever"
The strange thing is I'm fairly certain that it is within my power to sort this all out on her return, I know I could have us back together in a shot. But what concerns me now is "do I want to", I cant have this pain again, I need to be put before some bloody "once in a lifetime" trip, and why should I say O.K lets get back together when I said we should never have broke up!!!

That's the end of my rant.CONCLUSION- Women myself included are a total pain in the arse.

Why do I seem to get so many strange offers of combined "would you like to be my friend, and hey while you are at it, will you marry me"??............ what part of , welcome to my blog, I'm gay , and I'm pretty screwed up at the moment, makes young chaps think I may be marriage material? I'm more than happy to chat away or correspond with any man women or beast, but trust me I ain't marriage material!

To round off my holiday recounts the following three weeks, after my previous utterances are more or less as follows..
* travelled for a week through France spending most time in Loire valley, all in the company of Miss A and Miss B

* Collected Miss C from Marseilles airport and headed back up to Avignon for the evening

*Met Miss D and her boyfriend Mister A (the jock as Miss A called him) and headed on down to Provence area to spend a completely relaxing villa for the week, doing very little apart from cooking(which I adore doing, in turn leading to me getting big headed after plethora of complements on aforementioned cooking) Basically the week was , Get up late, sunbath, hang out by pool, swim, sunbath, drink, smoke too much , have a nap, then cook lunch for everyone! then the same again in the evening...It was quite heavenly.

*Then Miss B, C, D and Mr A all depart (by the way all mentioned persons apart from me were Irish, I didn't speack to an english person for 2 and a half weeks! causing me to become over English and ended up speaking in the fashion of an Ealing comedy!)

*Myself and Miss A drive down to cote d'azure, spend a day on a Lebanese Billionaires yacht? Half a day with a lunatic women in her boyfriends 10,000 grand a day "crib" (all associates of Miss A?).Stay in some amazing harbour, parade down harbourfront, clutching remains of Miss A's front Bumper, which seemingly lost its war with the speed bumps! (my skills in the field of mechanics were called upon several times during this trip!)Regrouped hopped on up to Monaco and headed East for Italy.....[ALTHOUGH THIS PART OF THE STORY SEEMS RATHER CRAZY , IT IS ALL COMPLETLY TRUE, I GOT TO SEE HOW THE OTHER SIDE LIVE, JUST FOR A SECOND, AND WHEN PEOPLE SAY MONEY DOSENT BRING YOU HAPPYNESS! WELL THAT ISNT BULLSHIT, I SAW UNHAPPINESS AND FAKENESS, AND A LOT OF PEOLPE WHO HAVE LOST TOUCH WITH WHAT WE CALL REALLITY. HAPPINESS BRINGS HAPPINESS, MONEY JUST HELPS, BUT WITHOUT A HAPPY MIND AND SOUL, MONEY MIGHT AS WELL BE BLANK PAPER]

*Then it was off to San Remo, Turin, the Alps, Lake Geneva, France.....

*Stopped by armed police for speeding, fined, sent on our way..

* Up to Dunkirk, drive up to sunny Midlands and my home...and that's what I did in three weeks!

........Of course now I'm back, I'm fairly much broke, and I can go back to wailing on about my woes of former girlfriend scenario (of which there have been developments!)which I'm quite sure you all greatly look forward to..

Im back in the dvd/internet shop. And so I will begin my recounts of holiday...
My grande vacance, started in Bambury, many miles away from my home but a good intersection point to meet my friend Miss A , who had come over earlier from Ireland with Miss B to spend a few days at the Hay on wye book festival. So I manage to find them (in a pub of course) then comes the drive down to Ashford in Kent. A place I have to admit Id never heard of, to me all it seemed to consist of was a Holiday Inn just off the relevent motrway... Everything was "grand" until four O'clock in the morning when the fire alarm went off (anyone who knows me , knows I dont go outdoors before my hair is perfected!) , I managed to survive the non-fire, but at this point I felt a slight unease about the fothcoming three weeks.....(back to the old former girlfreind thing) you see ive spent the previous twelve months doing all holidays(of which there were severall) with the former girlfreind, and although Im constantly perceived as ultra confident, Im not really, Im allways surrounded by old freinds who act as a comfort zone. And here I find myself in a car park, at some un godly hour, in who knows where, with freind of former girlfreind (Miss A) and someone Id only just met (Miss b) ,looking like a complete fright!.... So far I was definetly out of my comfort zone, I may not have been heading for mount everest base camp (like former girlfreind) but I was in the wilds of Kent and very soon Id be In a Norfolk Ferry, crossing the english channel, which isnt far off?.....

I have finally returned from my trip away. I dont have an awfull long time right now to go through my tales of europe (due to being in dvd shop/internet cafe) More indepth tales will follow. But what I will say is what started as a trip through france ending in a stay in provence, then turned into a crazy journey down to the cote d'azure, monaco, Italy, over the swiss border into Geniva, and heaven knows elsewhere! It was all jolly great fun and has done me the world of good. So im sure you will all be very bored with my "O what a great time Ive had" recounts of it all.
But you know what, It goes to show you really dont know whats around the corner. Id had some bad times recentley and Im glad I got a few weeks away from all that....