diary of a nobody

diary of a nobodyhttp://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/A brief description of a life , and the greatest display of a human unable to use a computer.en-EUhourly82000-01-01T12:00+00:00diary of a nobodyhttp://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/1b/a8883fe2609bba72347f44dbb849fe_160x200.jpgstick this in your pipe and smoke it.........http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/09/20/stick_this_in_your_pipe_and_smoke_it~3012341/2007-09-20T16:18:20+02:00 <p> Well I am astounded, I mean I am not very regular as far as my postings go. But I have just realised there are some mental people who write on this site. I have just been reading some bogs I haven't read before but all seem to be part of the "in crowd", well what a load of old bollocks, I mean you can all get so vicious and then theres all this name calling (which considering some of you already have the most ridiculous names to start with makes it even more pathetic ) Then there is all this, people making anonymous comments and others deciding who they must be. Then people turning out to have several different identities. Jesus I never realised how seriously some of us like sticking the motions of real life, in all it's banality, onto what could be an amazing way of opening up the possibilities of communication. Some people are looking at there computer screen's with very jaded eyes. We all have opinions, I thought this was somewhere we can share them. I'm going to stick to what I normally do, and say what I want, not feel I have to incite others, or please others, or try to replace any lacking in reality with drama on a computer. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/09/20/stick_this_in_your_pipe_and_smoke_it~3012341/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> Well I am astounded, I mean I am not very regular as far as my postings go. But I have just realised there are some mental people who write on this site. I have just been reading some bogs I haven't read before but all seem to be part of the "in crowd", well what a load of old bollocks, I mean you can all get so vicious and then theres all this name calling (which considering some of you already have the most ridiculous names to start with makes it even more pathetic ) Then there is all this, people making anonymous comments and others deciding who they must be. Then people turning out to have several different identities. Jesus I never realised how seriously some of us like sticking the motions of real life, in all it's banality, onto what could be an amazing way of opening up the possibilities of communication. Some people are looking at there computer screen's with very jaded eyes. We all have opinions, I thought this was somewhere we can share them. I'm going to stick to what I normally do, and say what I want, not feel I have to incite others, or please others, or try to replace any lacking in reality with drama on a computer.

]]>THE CHOICE..............http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/09/20/the_choice~3011612/2007-09-20T14:08:03+02:00 <p> WE DO NOT CHOOSE HOW MUCH OF OURSELVES WE GIVE TO OTHERS, INSTEAD IT IS IN OUR NATURE TO BE WHAT WE ARE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND US..........</p> <p> In other words it would be daft of us to think we can protect ourselves from being hurt by closing down and not giving too much of what makes us "tick" away, in a kind of "I wont let that happen again" scenario. It simply doesnt work, and would lead to us living half lives.</p> <p>.............Thought for the day over. I am currently recovering from a bit of a "I drank too many pints of lovely bitter last night" situation....... Again. The main reason for this is the fact that last night at the drinking emporium, it became clear that someone I am acquainted with may have rather taken to me. And I feel It to be within my powers to make more of the situation. She is attractive and rather pleasant by nature.This as set off a whole list of questions in my already deranged mind.....<br> 1. Is there the slightest whiff that I may like this person,<br> 2.I don't think I do?<br> 3. Should I feel like a guilty contradictory fool for thinking for just a millisecond about someone else, when I am elsewhere in the "love" stakes.<br> 4.Why has nobody else noticed the very obvious signs this particular young lady is showing?</p> <p>......... I really don't need to make a thing about this, I am easily flattered, I am finding being on my own with the future hanging in the balance a bit difficult, work is stressing me out and not helping me to think straight about anything, and besides all that I ain't no cheater, I have seen cheaters, I'm not one of them. I may be officially single, and nobody would blame me. But I would be cheating on myself, to pursue someone for the sake of ego and other such negative reasons. Ive been too happy to become an untruth to myself......... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/09/20/the_choice~3011612/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> WE DO NOT CHOOSE HOW MUCH OF OURSELVES WE GIVE TO OTHERS, INSTEAD IT IS IN OUR NATURE TO BE WHAT WE ARE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND US..........

In other words it would be daft of us to think we can protect ourselves from being hurt by closing down and not giving too much of what makes us "tick" away, in a kind of "I wont let that happen again" scenario. It simply doesnt work, and would lead to us living half lives.

.............Thought for the day over. I am currently recovering from a bit of a "I drank too many pints of lovely bitter last night" situation....... Again. The main reason for this is the fact that last night at the drinking emporium, it became clear that someone I am acquainted with may have rather taken to me. And I feel It to be within my powers to make more of the situation. She is attractive and rather pleasant by nature.This as set off a whole list of questions in my already deranged mind.....
1. Is there the slightest whiff that I may like this person,
2.I don't think I do?
3. Should I feel like a guilty contradictory fool for thinking for just a millisecond about someone else, when I am elsewhere in the "love" stakes.
4.Why has nobody else noticed the very obvious signs this particular young lady is showing?

......... I really don't need to make a thing about this, I am easily flattered, I am finding being on my own with the future hanging in the balance a bit difficult, work is stressing me out and not helping me to think straight about anything, and besides all that I ain't no cheater, I have seen cheaters, I'm not one of them. I may be officially single, and nobody would blame me. But I would be cheating on myself, to pursue someone for the sake of ego and other such negative reasons. Ive been too happy to become an untruth to myself.........

]]>The stress levels are high but I keep smiling regardless...http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/09/07/the_stress_levels_are_high_but_i_keep_sm~2939919/2007-09-07T12:19:38+02:00 <p>If I hadn't got enough jobs already,(5 at last count) I thought I'd create a new one, I suddenly decided the other week that I wanted to become a ceramic painter. I already work at a pottery manufacturers and I'm already a freelance artist, so putting the two together seemed like a good idea. Anyway it tuns out I am capable and I am now loudly trying to promote my ideas at work. The big problem is, I am getting pretty close to burning out I'm doing too much, Ive gone from being a lazy ass, to not really stopping for breath, something may give, if I don't do a bit of reorganisation, and soon. I'm thinking the answer may be, to back out of family business, which means I would give up "messing about with cars" which I adore, but I don't get much time to work with my dad now anyway, and to tell you the truth, I may pretend to be all "look at me covered in oil, and I'm a girl" I have never really liked getting my hands dirty! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/09/07/the_stress_levels_are_high_but_i_keep_sm~2939919/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>If I hadn't got enough jobs already,(5 at last count) I thought I'd create a new one, I suddenly decided the other week that I wanted to become a ceramic painter. I already work at a pottery manufacturers and I'm already a freelance artist, so putting the two together seemed like a good idea. Anyway it tuns out I am capable and I am now loudly trying to promote my ideas at work. The big problem is, I am getting pretty close to burning out I'm doing too much, Ive gone from being a lazy ass, to not really stopping for breath, something may give, if I don't do a bit of reorganisation, and soon. I'm thinking the answer may be, to back out of family business, which means I would give up "messing about with cars" which I adore, but I don't get much time to work with my dad now anyway, and to tell you the truth, I may pretend to be all "look at me covered in oil, and I'm a girl" I have never really liked getting my hands dirty!

]]>moved house.moved house.moved house.moved house.http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/09/04/moved_house_moved_house_moved_house_move~2924619/2007-09-04T18:58:17+02:00 <p>O.k I am becoming seriously lazy about writing in my blog. But I do have a pretty good excuse....I have moved out of home, and I am now living with mr Q (aka best friend of former girlfriend) and yes that means I am for now the custodian of the bedroom the former girlfriend called home before fantastic life changing world tour ! I know this sounds like a bit of a silly idea, because between the end of this year and next march, she will return from world tour and move back in. And so far, I will move back out (do hope you are keeping up) Basically Mr Q really needed someone to help with bill's, I seem to be suddenly making more money, and I had suffered long enough with the parents (even though I adore them both). The moving was stressful, but I seem to be settled in now, and whats really odd is, this house already felt like a second home anyway seeing as last year I'd spent so much time here (In the midst of very happy relationship with former girlfriend)<br> Now as it stands, don't forget, me and the former are getting on pretty well currently, or as well as two people who really miss each other but are in different time zones (Cambodia is the destination of fantastic world tour at the moment). She seems OK with this whole me moving in scenario, yet has made no comment on the "don't worry I will be moving out" statement? Will I move out in the spring? Will she move in? Will I get bored of over analyzing my life? who knows, but either way, for now I'm in a nice house near to mamon et papa, near to freinds, near to the pub, near to work, and I'm feeling near to sane! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/09/04/moved_house_moved_house_moved_house_move~2924619/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>O.k I am becoming seriously lazy about writing in my blog. But I do have a pretty good excuse....I have moved out of home, and I am now living with mr Q (aka best friend of former girlfriend) and yes that means I am for now the custodian of the bedroom the former girlfriend called home before fantastic life changing world tour ! I know this sounds like a bit of a silly idea, because between the end of this year and next march, she will return from world tour and move back in. And so far, I will move back out (do hope you are keeping up) Basically Mr Q really needed someone to help with bill's, I seem to be suddenly making more money, and I had suffered long enough with the parents (even though I adore them both). The moving was stressful, but I seem to be settled in now, and whats really odd is, this house already felt like a second home anyway seeing as last year I'd spent so much time here (In the midst of very happy relationship with former girlfriend)
Now as it stands, don't forget, me and the former are getting on pretty well currently, or as well as two people who really miss each other but are in different time zones (Cambodia is the destination of fantastic world tour at the moment). She seems OK with this whole me moving in scenario, yet has made no comment on the "don't worry I will be moving out" statement? Will I move out in the spring? Will she move in? Will I get bored of over analyzing my life? who knows, but either way, for now I'm in a nice house near to mamon et papa, near to freinds, near to the pub, near to work, and I'm feeling near to sane!

]]>at four o'clock this morning I was half way up a tree..http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/25/at_four_o_clock_this_morning_i_was_half_~2869399/2007-08-25T19:36:13+02:00 <p>O my god ,I am never ever ever going to drink again. Went out last night, got so drunk I took over the pubs dance floor with a rendition of "flying down to Rio" dance routine, accompanied by Marillin soundtrack. I apparently acquired an admirer, but my attention for such things are of course non-feasible at present. I ended the night with me and my mate. Mr.Q climbing up a tree in the middle of the round about down the road....Then went home to be very very sick. Then went to work today, I still feel like complete shite. And I hate,hate,hate alchol! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/25/at_four_o_clock_this_morning_i_was_half_~2869399/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>O my god ,I am never ever ever going to drink again. Went out last night, got so drunk I took over the pubs dance floor with a rendition of "flying down to Rio" dance routine, accompanied by Marillin soundtrack. I apparently acquired an admirer, but my attention for such things are of course non-feasible at present. I ended the night with me and my mate. Mr.Q climbing up a tree in the middle of the round about down the road....Then went home to be very very sick. Then went to work today, I still feel like complete shite. And I hate,hate,hate alchol!

]]>At long last................http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/20/at_long_last~2839538/2007-08-20T16:22:44+02:00 <p>I cant believe it I finally managed to get a picture for my profile, and as with most things I now realise it was very easy to do... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/20/at_long_last~2839538/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I cant believe it I finally managed to get a picture for my profile, and as with most things I now realise it was very easy to do...

]]>Last night...http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/20/last_night~2838598/2007-08-20T13:34:23+02:00 <p>Even though I was v v tired (after saturday and then working Sunday) I went to the sisters birthday meal. Me, mother, father the sister, and mr.Ferrari who had briefly become mr.Aston martin but didn't really like it so reverted back to the Ferrari.<br> It took place in Knutsford or should I say, in the land of the Cheshire "in crowd". I tried really hard to be chatty and pleasant, and I think I was. Mr Ferrari isn't that bad as it turns out, hes as mental as my sister but with more money. The food was good and the Pimm's was better. My father spent an hour rambling on about "mounting climbing" and "being a vegetarian", so nothing different there. I kept my eyes open and even laughed at the sister and Mr Ferrari's recount of there trip to "Blackpool" just to see what it was like. Which reminded me of how the Victorians used to go and see gory body dissections "just to see what it was like".The question is who is on which side of the bars looking out and who are the interested spectators?............. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/20/last_night~2838598/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Even though I was v v tired (after saturday and then working Sunday) I went to the sisters birthday meal. Me, mother, father the sister, and mr.Ferrari who had briefly become mr.Aston martin but didn't really like it so reverted back to the Ferrari.
It took place in Knutsford or should I say, in the land of the Cheshire "in crowd". I tried really hard to be chatty and pleasant, and I think I was. Mr Ferrari isn't that bad as it turns out, hes as mental as my sister but with more money. The food was good and the Pimm's was better. My father spent an hour rambling on about "mounting climbing" and "being a vegetarian", so nothing different there. I kept my eyes open and even laughed at the sister and Mr Ferrari's recount of there trip to "Blackpool" just to see what it was like. Which reminded me of how the Victorians used to go and see gory body dissections "just to see what it was like".The question is who is on which side of the bars looking out and who are the interested spectators?.............

]]>V festival report........(saturday only)http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/20/v_festival_report_saturday_only~2838386/2007-08-20T12:51:27+02:00 <p> Well it rained but that is what I have come to expect.</p> <p> I did see some of the lowest forms of society (and that was just Lilly Allen).</p> <p> I wined about the bar Q (finding it impossible to get pissed because it takes so long to get a drink)</p> <p> I moaned about the lack of female performers and the endless stream of bands with boys in (not to be confused with boy bands).Eventully my freinds retorted with "no there aren't many 40 year old lesbians on are there" and it was suggested that a band called "scouting for girls" may suit!Well my scouting days are over for now. But it was all taken in good humour (which means me taking the piss back)</p> <p>I got in a temper whilst shopping for my obligatory "festival hat" I settled on a military poor boy hat, which I wasn't entirely happy with.</p> <p>I hate the fact that I thought it was a good idea to buy poppers as a nod to our youth, only to have an awful headache 3 seconds later.</p> <p>Mika upset me by singing a eurythmics song (don't touch the holy grail Mika!!!)</p> <p>I deplore sitting on a bloody car park for hours trying to get home, only to have to get up for work just a few short hours later.</p> <p> Yet on the other hand....</p> <p>I love jumping about in mud with my wellington boots on, like a two year old child.</p> <p> I loved pointing out to everyone the irony of the fact that Lilly Allen made a speech about "oil companies" being bastards, whilst somehow travelling to Stafford to pass the message on! What did she do walk?</p> <p> I loved the fact that I was still sober enough as darkness fell, to see the pantomimes that folk play out when they have spent the day drinking there contraband booze, as they wander bare foot in the piss and shite of the days events.</p> <p> I just adore eating "super burritos" and "jerk pork with rice and pea!!" (no boring old "arse of cow burgers" for me)</p> <p>I was very happy to have the chance to see Rodrigo y Gabriela who I have wanted to see for some time.</p> <p>The bedouin sound clash were as great as ever</p> <p>And Damian Rice was truly wonderful had Vivian Long with him (who is a jolly good cellist). I abandoned my freinds to watch him and I'm very glad I did. It was a moment that makes going to V worthwhile.And after saying all that I'd say I had a great if tiring day.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/20/v_festival_report_saturday_only~2838386/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> Well it rained but that is what I have come to expect.

I did see some of the lowest forms of society (and that was just Lilly Allen).

I wined about the bar Q (finding it impossible to get pissed because it takes so long to get a drink)

I moaned about the lack of female performers and the endless stream of bands with boys in (not to be confused with boy bands).Eventully my freinds retorted with "no there aren't many 40 year old lesbians on are there" and it was suggested that a band called "scouting for girls" may suit!Well my scouting days are over for now. But it was all taken in good humour (which means me taking the piss back)

I got in a temper whilst shopping for my obligatory "festival hat" I settled on a military poor boy hat, which I wasn't entirely happy with.

I hate the fact that I thought it was a good idea to buy poppers as a nod to our youth, only to have an awful headache 3 seconds later.

Mika upset me by singing a eurythmics song (don't touch the holy grail Mika!!!)

I deplore sitting on a bloody car park for hours trying to get home, only to have to get up for work just a few short hours later.

Yet on the other hand....

I love jumping about in mud with my wellington boots on, like a two year old child.

I loved pointing out to everyone the irony of the fact that Lilly Allen made a speech about "oil companies" being bastards, whilst somehow travelling to Stafford to pass the message on! What did she do walk?

I loved the fact that I was still sober enough as darkness fell, to see the pantomimes that folk play out when they have spent the day drinking there contraband booze, as they wander bare foot in the piss and shite of the days events.

I just adore eating "super burritos" and "jerk pork with rice and pea!!" (no boring old "arse of cow burgers" for me)

I was very happy to have the chance to see Rodrigo y Gabriela who I have wanted to see for some time.

The bedouin sound clash were as great as ever

And Damian Rice was truly wonderful had Vivian Long with him (who is a jolly good cellist). I abandoned my freinds to watch him and I'm very glad I did. It was a moment that makes going to V worthwhile.And after saying all that I'd say I had a great if tiring day..

]]>lost for words today.........http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/10/lost_for_words_today~2787223/2007-08-10T16:56:43+02:00 <p> I am doomed to become chained to this computer for the whole weekend. I am attending to friends house again (+2 cats). Which means I will stare at this screen for far too long...Hopefully by tomorrow something absolutely amazing will happen, giving me something amazing to write about....Sadly this is not the case today......... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/10/lost_for_words_today~2787223/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> I am doomed to become chained to this computer for the whole weekend. I am attending to friends house again (+2 cats). Which means I will stare at this screen for far too long...Hopefully by tomorrow something absolutely amazing will happen, giving me something amazing to write about....Sadly this is not the case today.........

]]>Don't buy strange things off strange men when you have drank 6 pints of bitter...http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/09/don_t_buy_strange_things_off_strange_men~2780883/2007-08-09T15:00:39+02:00 <p>Just realised the packets of cigarettes I stupidly bought off some bloke in the pub last night, are nothing more than a pile of fake "probably filled with cyanide and sawdust" load of old rubbish! you see last night I got a bit pis**d and I thought they looked alright, plus I got 40 for £4. Now im sober and have my vision back, I think am so daft someone could have sold me "candy cigarettes" and I wouldn't have known! The funny thing is im normally more than happy to hand over silly amounts of money to the vending machine to fuel my "truly vile habit" . </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/09/don_t_buy_strange_things_off_strange_men~2780883/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Just realised the packets of cigarettes I stupidly bought off some bloke in the pub last night, are nothing more than a pile of fake "probably filled with cyanide and sawdust" load of old rubbish! you see last night I got a bit pis**d and I thought they looked alright, plus I got 40 for £4. Now im sober and have my vision back, I think am so daft someone could have sold me "candy cigarettes" and I wouldn't have known! The funny thing is im normally more than happy to hand over silly amounts of money to the vending machine to fuel my "truly vile habit" .

]]>I think I may be ever so slightly pathetic.......http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/09/i_think_i_may_be_ever_so_slightly_pathet~2780344/2007-08-09T13:21:17+02:00 <p> O.K so I have been away for a while. And my promises of interesting statements are slightly unfounded. Basically Ive just been busy. Mostly working! The reasons Ive actually been getting of my arse and genuinely putting some effort in, as opposed to my usual "I do so many jobs I never get round to doing any of them" crap, Is because of the following.......</p> <p> 1. As i probably already said, former girlfriend hears of my exiting June holiday, realises she actually misses me, and starts emailing me "I wish I was with you in France, we will have to go next year when I come back" etc, etc...</p> <p> 2. Then I start to get daily text conversations. That range from regular chit chat, to late evening for her, lunch time for me "I really miss you, I miss the music we listened to, I miss going off somewhere silly for the day just because we could" etc, etc....</p> <p> 3.Then I mentioned that I'm going to have mini holiday in Rome (her favourite place ever) next month, this resulted in her begging me to not go in September and wait for her return in march ! I was tempted to say how about you not go to Thailand, Cambodia, Australia, and every-other fecking place, you will be going without me!!! but I didn't I just said, don't worry, Rome is not going anywhere we can go anytime, bla, bla, bla.....</p> <p> 4. Then the final nail in the, "I am completely confused as to why this person and I had a fantastic relationship, she buggered off, told me she couldn't continue a relationship when she isn't even here, fails to communicate with me for a month or so, then decides she misses me, but I cant say feck all, for fear of upsetting her trip of a lifetime " coffin .......Is , I send her birthday message, via e-mail, In Gaelic (she is Irish) which was very inventive and very difficult to do (it is almost impossible to translate most concepts directly from english to Irish). And her response to aforementioned birthday message?........................... "I love you"</p> <p>.........anyway, so I'm working really really hard so that as soon as I can, I will be financially prepared to go off and make sure I get to spend more of my life with the person who I love with all my heart.... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/09/i_think_i_may_be_ever_so_slightly_pathet~2780344/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> O.K so I have been away for a while. And my promises of interesting statements are slightly unfounded. Basically Ive just been busy. Mostly working! The reasons Ive actually been getting of my arse and genuinely putting some effort in, as opposed to my usual "I do so many jobs I never get round to doing any of them" crap, Is because of the following.......

1. As i probably already said, former girlfriend hears of my exiting June holiday, realises she actually misses me, and starts emailing me "I wish I was with you in France, we will have to go next year when I come back" etc, etc...

2. Then I start to get daily text conversations. That range from regular chit chat, to late evening for her, lunch time for me "I really miss you, I miss the music we listened to, I miss going off somewhere silly for the day just because we could" etc, etc....

3.Then I mentioned that I'm going to have mini holiday in Rome (her favourite place ever) next month, this resulted in her begging me to not go in September and wait for her return in march ! I was tempted to say how about you not go to Thailand, Cambodia, Australia, and every-other fecking place, you will be going without me!!! but I didn't I just said, don't worry, Rome is not going anywhere we can go anytime, bla, bla, bla.....

4. Then the final nail in the, "I am completely confused as to why this person and I had a fantastic relationship, she buggered off, told me she couldn't continue a relationship when she isn't even here, fails to communicate with me for a month or so, then decides she misses me, but I cant say feck all, for fear of upsetting her trip of a lifetime " coffin .......Is , I send her birthday message, via e-mail, In Gaelic (she is Irish) which was very inventive and very difficult to do (it is almost impossible to translate most concepts directly from english to Irish). And her response to aforementioned birthday message?........................... "I love you"

.........anyway, so I'm working really really hard so that as soon as I can, I will be financially prepared to go off and make sure I get to spend more of my life with the person who I love with all my heart....

]]>Ive been away.......http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/08/ive_been_away~2775504/2007-08-08T15:44:55+02:00 <p>Goodness I have been away for a while, and everything looks different? Well anyway I cant stay on the old buttons for long but I shall return soon and hopefully with something of interest to say! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/08/08/ive_been_away~2775504/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Goodness I have been away for a while, and everything looks different? Well anyway I cant stay on the old buttons for long but I shall return soon and hopefully with something of interest to say!

]]>Tales of the expected......http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/07/09/tales_of_the_expected~2604235/2007-07-09T19:40:17+02:00 <p>Well the grand exercise regime started today. Not with quite the flourish Id expected. Here follows a plan of my expected day- (yawn....)</p> <p>*get up v early. </p> <p>*Go out and cycle for many hours, or at least one hour.</p> <p>*Paint for most of the day (i.e do some bloody work).</p> <p>*Come over and use the computer.</p> <p>..........and that was about it.Of course what I actuly did was-</p> <p>*get up late to the sound of my father shouting about a veichle log book he has lost (I have so got to move out of home, recently I've spent more time at home than I have in years, and it's really getting me down now!)</p> <p>*My mother announces that my devious plan to convince her to buy a computer has worked, so I duely escort her to various computer shops, pretending to know what the hell it is she should buy? (as previously explained I know very little about these matters so I decided a lap top was best, mainly so that I can make off with the object much easier. I also decided the greater the numbers used to describe the object the better. Sadly I dont know how great a ram should be, wether one thousend odd mb is ample or 2gb would be more appropriate? Its all a shot in the dark really!)</p> <p>*Fail to purchase computer, but leave with a wealth of new knowlage.</p> <p>*Attend to some work with my father(who has stopped wailing at this point)ferrying cars to nearby stafford ready for auction this evening.</p> <p>*Finally manage to get on my bike (and what a carry on this was, I only went about two miles and then I decided I was a bit cold, and my legs were feeling the strain, and besides I hadnt brought any fluids, therefore running the risk of severe dehydration so I returned forth-with!)</p> <p>*Did no painting (again)</p> <p>*Came to use computer</p> <p>.........and that was that, I feel I have waisted my day slightly.</p> <p> On a different subject, I spent the whole of yesterday smiling. Why? Because the former girlfriend rang me from Kathmandu! This is how much of a fool I am. I know I should have said a million things along the lines of "Im so pissed off", but no, I said nice things, and just had a pleasent chat, the sort of which I have longed for.She said she was missing me, and she was missing home. Dont get me wrong there was no hint of "lets get back together", Im aware that wont be an option until the return, and Im not so silly as to think you can get back with someone when you are both many miles away from each-other. Anyway however daft it may be, I spent the day smiling? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/07/09/tales_of_the_expected~2604235/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Well the grand exercise regime started today. Not with quite the flourish Id expected. Here follows a plan of my expected day- (yawn....)

*get up v early.

*Go out and cycle for many hours, or at least one hour.

*Paint for most of the day (i.e do some bloody work).

*Come over and use the computer.

..........and that was about it.Of course what I actuly did was-

*get up late to the sound of my father shouting about a veichle log book he has lost (I have so got to move out of home, recently I've spent more time at home than I have in years, and it's really getting me down now!)

*My mother announces that my devious plan to convince her to buy a computer has worked, so I duely escort her to various computer shops, pretending to know what the hell it is she should buy? (as previously explained I know very little about these matters so I decided a lap top was best, mainly so that I can make off with the object much easier. I also decided the greater the numbers used to describe the object the better. Sadly I dont know how great a ram should be, wether one thousend odd mb is ample or 2gb would be more appropriate? Its all a shot in the dark really!)

*Fail to purchase computer, but leave with a wealth of new knowlage.

*Attend to some work with my father(who has stopped wailing at this point)ferrying cars to nearby stafford ready for auction this evening.

*Finally manage to get on my bike (and what a carry on this was, I only went about two miles and then I decided I was a bit cold, and my legs were feeling the strain, and besides I hadnt brought any fluids, therefore running the risk of severe dehydration so I returned forth-with!)

*Did no painting (again)

*Came to use computer

.........and that was that, I feel I have waisted my day slightly.

On a different subject, I spent the whole of yesterday smiling. Why? Because the former girlfriend rang me from Kathmandu! This is how much of a fool I am. I know I should have said a million things along the lines of "Im so pissed off", but no, I said nice things, and just had a pleasent chat, the sort of which I have longed for.She said she was missing me, and she was missing home. Dont get me wrong there was no hint of "lets get back together", Im aware that wont be an option until the return, and Im not so silly as to think you can get back with someone when you are both many miles away from each-other. Anyway however daft it may be, I spent the day smiling?

]]>Ive got to stop saying sorry............http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/07/06/ive_got_to_stop_saying_sorry~2585885/2007-07-06T16:29:16+02:00 <p> Today Im walking into shop, someone bangs into me and what do I say? "sorry", I find I'm doing this all the bloody time. Someone steps on my toe, I say sorry, etc, etc...Obviously I'm a polite kinda girl, but I think I should keep the sorry's to occasions when I do something wrong and stop appoligising on behalf of others!.....Anyway here I am in dvd/internet cafe, although it shouldnt really be called a cafe, as it has no form of refreshments or light snacks, or gingham clad surfaces to be seen?<br> Now I should be working on my paintings (I have 6 commisions waiting to be finished/started) but I felt the more pressing issue of my "must exercise" plan needing attention. So off I went to "bike shop" to buy a new pump, to re-inflate my flat bike tyres. this is where I had my "dont say sorry" idea.Of course while I was out and about I thought I'd better come and mess with a computer for a while...<br> So my plan is to start cycling on a daily/weekly/yearly basis, I'm not quite sure just how often I will manage yet? Ive decided cycling is best for me, mainly because Ive got worn cartlige in my left knee (or so I say anyway) so jogging is out. Really im at my happiest doing weights or some other non-impact work out, (I hate impact)whilst watching tele.<br> Alas I do feel I need to move about a bit more (cars dont really do the job. I did think about using some form of public transport, because that allways looks like a lot of moving about. Sadley my freinds told me catching a bus dosent count as a form of exercise, and besides I dont really know where the bus stops are or where the buses go to?)<br> So after ive fished my bike out from amongst a pile of bikes ive previously bought and mostly just look at from afar. Then I just need to either stop smoking or try and cut down a bit, and then im away?.....................</p> <p> P.s "sorry" for the awfull spelling today, but the cafe dosent seem to have a spelling aid at the top of the screen like the other computers I use? Im sure theres some simplistic way of sorting it out, but Im far to dim for that! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/07/06/ive_got_to_stop_saying_sorry~2585885/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> Today Im walking into shop, someone bangs into me and what do I say? "sorry", I find I'm doing this all the bloody time. Someone steps on my toe, I say sorry, etc, etc...Obviously I'm a polite kinda girl, but I think I should keep the sorry's to occasions when I do something wrong and stop appoligising on behalf of others!.....Anyway here I am in dvd/internet cafe, although it shouldnt really be called a cafe, as it has no form of refreshments or light snacks, or gingham clad surfaces to be seen?
Now I should be working on my paintings (I have 6 commisions waiting to be finished/started) but I felt the more pressing issue of my "must exercise" plan needing attention. So off I went to "bike shop" to buy a new pump, to re-inflate my flat bike tyres. this is where I had my "dont say sorry" idea.Of course while I was out and about I thought I'd better come and mess with a computer for a while...
So my plan is to start cycling on a daily/weekly/yearly basis, I'm not quite sure just how often I will manage yet? Ive decided cycling is best for me, mainly because Ive got worn cartlige in my left knee (or so I say anyway) so jogging is out. Really im at my happiest doing weights or some other non-impact work out, (I hate impact)whilst watching tele.
Alas I do feel I need to move about a bit more (cars dont really do the job. I did think about using some form of public transport, because that allways looks like a lot of moving about. Sadley my freinds told me catching a bus dosent count as a form of exercise, and besides I dont really know where the bus stops are or where the buses go to?)
So after ive fished my bike out from amongst a pile of bikes ive previously bought and mostly just look at from afar. Then I just need to either stop smoking or try and cut down a bit, and then im away?.....................

P.s "sorry" for the awfull spelling today, but the cafe dosent seem to have a spelling aid at the top of the screen like the other computers I use? Im sure theres some simplistic way of sorting it out, but Im far to dim for that!

]]>Big brother its not true....http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/07/05/big_brother_its_not_true~2579085/2007-07-05T16:14:42+02:00 <p> By the way Stoke-On-Trent is not "10 years" behind, just in case anybody bothers to watch big brother, I don't of course (lying), It was stated the other day that on account of the childlike, behaviour of those twins, all people of my City must be in some way backwards! Well when I heard this whilst watching the wireless, I almost choked on my cup of tea, I immediately, threw on my frock coat and top hat, jumped aboard my new fangled horseless carriage and went to tell my friends. Incidentally they all agreed Stoke on Trent and its surrounding Borough wont be 10 years behind for at least another 75 years! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/07/05/big_brother_its_not_true~2579085/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> By the way Stoke-On-Trent is not "10 years" behind, just in case anybody bothers to watch big brother, I don't of course (lying), It was stated the other day that on account of the childlike, behaviour of those twins, all people of my City must be in some way backwards! Well when I heard this whilst watching the wireless, I almost choked on my cup of tea, I immediately, threw on my frock coat and top hat, jumped aboard my new fangled horseless carriage and went to tell my friends. Incidentally they all agreed Stoke on Trent and its surrounding Borough wont be 10 years behind for at least another 75 years!

]]>All change.........http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/07/05/all_change~2578451/2007-07-05T14:43:37+02:00 <p> All change indeed, It would seem that my errant former girlfriend is "missing" me?<br> Before my secondment to France I was incommunicado with former girlfriend. Now I'm receiving e-mails from the Himalaya's, presents from deli. You would think id be over the moon, yet no, I'm just pretty confused. I mean my logical side says, and allways has said, "She made the dreaded end of relationship call, two weeks after going away she was confused and should have waited a while to settle into her ever changing surroundings. And now she done that four months into the trip, she is starting to realise what was important to her, me!" but I am wavering in my fatalistic attitudes, I actually sat down the other day and for just one moment wished I could go back two years to my previous life where all my friends faces had looked the same for years, and the girls came and went (literally) in my life, with great ease.<br> I'm still totally in love, if I won the lottery tomorrow, or became reasonably wealthy tomorrow, Id be on a plane to which ever country shes in, just like I reply to all these recent messages with lap dog like cheerfulness. When what I want to say is "I spotted at least two girls in the photos Ive seen on your blog who are SO gay, and therefore I'm worried sick that you may be shagging one or both in some kind of Nepalese orgy (shes in Nepal at the moment), rendering our future happiness lost forever"<br> The strange thing is I'm fairly certain that it is within my power to sort this all out on her return, I know I could have us back together in a shot. But what concerns me now is "do I want to", I cant have this pain again, I need to be put before some bloody "once in a lifetime" trip, and why should I say O.K lets get back together when I said we should never have broke up!!!</p> <p> That's the end of my rant.CONCLUSION- Women myself included are a total pain in the arse. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/07/05/all_change~2578451/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> All change indeed, It would seem that my errant former girlfriend is "missing" me?
Before my secondment to France I was incommunicado with former girlfriend. Now I'm receiving e-mails from the Himalaya's, presents from deli. You would think id be over the moon, yet no, I'm just pretty confused. I mean my logical side says, and allways has said, "She made the dreaded end of relationship call, two weeks after going away she was confused and should have waited a while to settle into her ever changing surroundings. And now she done that four months into the trip, she is starting to realise what was important to her, me!" but I am wavering in my fatalistic attitudes, I actually sat down the other day and for just one moment wished I could go back two years to my previous life where all my friends faces had looked the same for years, and the girls came and went (literally) in my life, with great ease.
I'm still totally in love, if I won the lottery tomorrow, or became reasonably wealthy tomorrow, Id be on a plane to which ever country shes in, just like I reply to all these recent messages with lap dog like cheerfulness. When what I want to say is "I spotted at least two girls in the photos Ive seen on your blog who are SO gay, and therefore I'm worried sick that you may be shagging one or both in some kind of Nepalese orgy (shes in Nepal at the moment), rendering our future happiness lost forever"
The strange thing is I'm fairly certain that it is within my power to sort this all out on her return, I know I could have us back together in a shot. But what concerns me now is "do I want to", I cant have this pain again, I need to be put before some bloody "once in a lifetime" trip, and why should I say O.K lets get back together when I said we should never have broke up!!!

That's the end of my rant.CONCLUSION- Women myself included are a total pain in the arse.

]]>A question?http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/06/28/a_question~2536150/2007-06-28T14:24:12+02:00 <p> Why do I seem to get so many strange offers of combined "would you like to be my friend, and hey while you are at it, will you marry me"??............ what part of , welcome to my blog, I'm gay , and I'm pretty screwed up at the moment, makes young chaps think I may be marriage material? I'm more than happy to chat away or correspond with any man women or beast, but trust me I ain't marriage material! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/06/28/a_question~2536150/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> Why do I seem to get so many strange offers of combined "would you like to be my friend, and hey while you are at it, will you marry me"??............ what part of , welcome to my blog, I'm gay , and I'm pretty screwed up at the moment, makes young chaps think I may be marriage material? I'm more than happy to chat away or correspond with any man women or beast, but trust me I ain't marriage material!

]]>Ive looked into the face of vast wealth, and it turns out he's an ugly bald man who moans a lot......http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/06/28/ive_looked_into_the_face_of_vast_wealth_~2536049/2007-06-28T14:08:06+02:00 <p>To round off my holiday recounts the following three weeks, after my previous utterances are more or less as follows..<br> * travelled for a week through France spending most time in Loire valley, all in the company of Miss A and Miss B</p> <p>* Collected Miss C from Marseilles airport and headed back up to Avignon for the evening</p> <p>*Met Miss D and her boyfriend Mister A (the jock as Miss A called him) and headed on down to Provence area to spend a completely relaxing villa for the week, doing very little apart from cooking(which I adore doing, in turn leading to me getting big headed after plethora of complements on aforementioned cooking) Basically the week was , Get up late, sunbath, hang out by pool, swim, sunbath, drink, smoke too much , have a nap, then cook lunch for everyone! then the same again in the evening...It was quite heavenly.</p> <p>*Then Miss B, C, D and Mr A all depart (by the way all mentioned persons apart from me were Irish, I didn't speack to an english person for 2 and a half weeks! causing me to become over English and ended up speaking in the fashion of an Ealing comedy!)</p> <p>*Myself and Miss A drive down to cote d'azure, spend a day on a Lebanese Billionaires yacht? Half a day with a lunatic women in her boyfriends 10,000 grand a day "crib" (all associates of Miss A?).Stay in some amazing harbour, parade down harbourfront, clutching remains of Miss A's front Bumper, which seemingly lost its war with the speed bumps! (my skills in the field of mechanics were called upon several times during this trip!)Regrouped hopped on up to Monaco and headed East for Italy.....[ALTHOUGH THIS PART OF THE STORY SEEMS RATHER CRAZY , IT IS ALL COMPLETLY TRUE, I GOT TO SEE HOW THE OTHER SIDE LIVE, JUST FOR A SECOND, AND WHEN PEOPLE SAY MONEY DOSENT BRING YOU HAPPYNESS! WELL THAT ISNT BULLSHIT, I SAW UNHAPPINESS AND FAKENESS, AND A LOT OF PEOLPE WHO HAVE LOST TOUCH WITH WHAT WE CALL REALLITY. HAPPINESS BRINGS HAPPINESS, MONEY JUST HELPS, BUT WITHOUT A HAPPY MIND AND SOUL, MONEY MIGHT AS WELL BE BLANK PAPER]</p> <p>*Then it was off to San Remo, Turin, the Alps, Lake Geneva, France.....</p> <p>*Stopped by armed police for speeding, fined, sent on our way..</p> <p>* Up to Dunkirk, drive up to sunny Midlands and my home...and that's what I did in three weeks!</p> <p> ........Of course now I'm back, I'm fairly much broke, and I can go back to wailing on about my woes of former girlfriend scenario (of which there have been developments!)which I'm quite sure you all greatly look forward to.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/06/28/ive_looked_into_the_face_of_vast_wealth_~2536049/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>To round off my holiday recounts the following three weeks, after my previous utterances are more or less as follows..
* travelled for a week through France spending most time in Loire valley, all in the company of Miss A and Miss B

* Collected Miss C from Marseilles airport and headed back up to Avignon for the evening

*Met Miss D and her boyfriend Mister A (the jock as Miss A called him) and headed on down to Provence area to spend a completely relaxing villa for the week, doing very little apart from cooking(which I adore doing, in turn leading to me getting big headed after plethora of complements on aforementioned cooking) Basically the week was , Get up late, sunbath, hang out by pool, swim, sunbath, drink, smoke too much , have a nap, then cook lunch for everyone! then the same again in the evening...It was quite heavenly.

*Then Miss B, C, D and Mr A all depart (by the way all mentioned persons apart from me were Irish, I didn't speack to an english person for 2 and a half weeks! causing me to become over English and ended up speaking in the fashion of an Ealing comedy!)

*Myself and Miss A drive down to cote d'azure, spend a day on a Lebanese Billionaires yacht? Half a day with a lunatic women in her boyfriends 10,000 grand a day "crib" (all associates of Miss A?).Stay in some amazing harbour, parade down harbourfront, clutching remains of Miss A's front Bumper, which seemingly lost its war with the speed bumps! (my skills in the field of mechanics were called upon several times during this trip!)Regrouped hopped on up to Monaco and headed East for Italy.....[ALTHOUGH THIS PART OF THE STORY SEEMS RATHER CRAZY , IT IS ALL COMPLETLY TRUE, I GOT TO SEE HOW THE OTHER SIDE LIVE, JUST FOR A SECOND, AND WHEN PEOPLE SAY MONEY DOSENT BRING YOU HAPPYNESS! WELL THAT ISNT BULLSHIT, I SAW UNHAPPINESS AND FAKENESS, AND A LOT OF PEOLPE WHO HAVE LOST TOUCH WITH WHAT WE CALL REALLITY. HAPPINESS BRINGS HAPPINESS, MONEY JUST HELPS, BUT WITHOUT A HAPPY MIND AND SOUL, MONEY MIGHT AS WELL BE BLANK PAPER]

*Then it was off to San Remo, Turin, the Alps, Lake Geneva, France.....

*Stopped by armed police for speeding, fined, sent on our way..

* Up to Dunkirk, drive up to sunny Midlands and my home...and that's what I did in three weeks!

........Of course now I'm back, I'm fairly much broke, and I can go back to wailing on about my woes of former girlfriend scenario (of which there have been developments!)which I'm quite sure you all greatly look forward to..

]]>the saga begins......http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/06/25/the_saga_begins~2517541/2007-06-25T17:43:58+02:00 <p> Im back in the dvd/internet shop. And so I will begin my recounts of holiday...<br> My grande vacance, started in Bambury, many miles away from my home but a good intersection point to meet my friend Miss A , who had come over earlier from Ireland with Miss B to spend a few days at the Hay on wye book festival. So I manage to find them (in a pub of course) then comes the drive down to Ashford in Kent. A place I have to admit Id never heard of, to me all it seemed to consist of was a Holiday Inn just off the relevent motrway... Everything was "grand" until four O'clock in the morning when the fire alarm went off (anyone who knows me , knows I dont go outdoors before my hair is perfected!) , I managed to survive the non-fire, but at this point I felt a slight unease about the fothcoming three weeks.....(back to the old former girlfreind thing) you see ive spent the previous twelve months doing all holidays(of which there were severall) with the former girlfreind, and although Im constantly perceived as ultra confident, Im not really, Im allways surrounded by old freinds who act as a comfort zone. And here I find myself in a car park, at some un godly hour, in who knows where, with freind of former girlfreind (Miss A) and someone Id only just met (Miss b) ,looking like a complete fright!.... So far I was definetly out of my comfort zone, I may not have been heading for mount everest base camp (like former girlfreind) but I was in the wilds of Kent and very soon Id be In a Norfolk Ferry, crossing the english channel, which isnt far off?..... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/06/25/the_saga_begins~2517541/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> Im back in the dvd/internet shop. And so I will begin my recounts of holiday...
My grande vacance, started in Bambury, many miles away from my home but a good intersection point to meet my friend Miss A , who had come over earlier from Ireland with Miss B to spend a few days at the Hay on wye book festival. So I manage to find them (in a pub of course) then comes the drive down to Ashford in Kent. A place I have to admit Id never heard of, to me all it seemed to consist of was a Holiday Inn just off the relevent motrway... Everything was "grand" until four O'clock in the morning when the fire alarm went off (anyone who knows me , knows I dont go outdoors before my hair is perfected!) , I managed to survive the non-fire, but at this point I felt a slight unease about the fothcoming three weeks.....(back to the old former girlfreind thing) you see ive spent the previous twelve months doing all holidays(of which there were severall) with the former girlfreind, and although Im constantly perceived as ultra confident, Im not really, Im allways surrounded by old freinds who act as a comfort zone. And here I find myself in a car park, at some un godly hour, in who knows where, with freind of former girlfreind (Miss A) and someone Id only just met (Miss b) ,looking like a complete fright!.... So far I was definetly out of my comfort zone, I may not have been heading for mount everest base camp (like former girlfreind) but I was in the wilds of Kent and very soon Id be In a Norfolk Ferry, crossing the english channel, which isnt far off?.....

]]>The return...http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/06/22/the_return~2500054/2007-06-22T15:05:25+02:00 <p> I have finally returned from my trip away. I dont have an awfull long time right now to go through my tales of europe (due to being in dvd shop/internet cafe) More indepth tales will follow. But what I will say is what started as a trip through france ending in a stay in provence, then turned into a crazy journey down to the cote d'azure, monaco, Italy, over the swiss border into Geniva, and heaven knows elsewhere! It was all jolly great fun and has done me the world of good. So im sure you will all be very bored with my "O what a great time Ive had" recounts of it all.<br> But you know what, It goes to show you really dont know whats around the corner. Id had some bad times recentley and Im glad I got a few weeks away from all that.... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/06/22/the_return~2500054/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> I have finally returned from my trip away. I dont have an awfull long time right now to go through my tales of europe (due to being in dvd shop/internet cafe) More indepth tales will follow. But what I will say is what started as a trip through france ending in a stay in provence, then turned into a crazy journey down to the cote d'azure, monaco, Italy, over the swiss border into Geniva, and heaven knows elsewhere! It was all jolly great fun and has done me the world of good. So im sure you will all be very bored with my "O what a great time Ive had" recounts of it all.
But you know what, It goes to show you really dont know whats around the corner. Id had some bad times recentley and Im glad I got a few weeks away from all that....

]]>About to depart..http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/31/about_to_depart~2369424/2007-05-31T20:21:12+02:00 <p> On Sunday evening I shall be off on my recuperating holiday to Provence! I was invited a while back on a three week tour "en Provence" by my former girlfriends good friend, and I excepted. I know it will be good for me and everything, but It all reminds me that my former girlfriend wont be there. Its simply not fair, I should be going with her, I shouldn't be sleeping in a bed on my own, and I shouldn't be generally stressing out about having to do everything on my own (even though previously allways independent).</p> <p> I felt like I was doing rather well with all this carry on until last night, I was sitting in the pub, and I suddenly realised, you can be there in a room full of people all happily chatting away to you, laughing and joking. Yet at the same time you can feel completely and utterly alone.</p> <p> Maybe this is the natural malaise expected after my brush with fame at the weekend (the BBC have sadly departed, and failed to take me with them!)or maybe its the expected exhaustion of filling my life with constant activity recently?</p> <p> Another problem Ive noticed today is that I seem unable to listen to music anymore. I was loading my mp3 object for Provence trip earlier, and it seems most music reminds me of former girlfriend (we shared very similar taste in such things). Music which has no such association is either:<br> A;Pathetic happy "how in love are we" music, which leaves me angry at my loss. OR....<br> B;Wallowing, meaningful, "how could you leave me this way" music, which makes me cry at inopportune moments...</p> <p> Basically all tunes are out the window for now! Anyway I shall return, with witty drawl on my forthcoming three weeks.....<br> For now goodbye....x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/31/about_to_depart~2369424/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> On Sunday evening I shall be off on my recuperating holiday to Provence! I was invited a while back on a three week tour "en Provence" by my former girlfriends good friend, and I excepted. I know it will be good for me and everything, but It all reminds me that my former girlfriend wont be there. Its simply not fair, I should be going with her, I shouldn't be sleeping in a bed on my own, and I shouldn't be generally stressing out about having to do everything on my own (even though previously allways independent).

I felt like I was doing rather well with all this carry on until last night, I was sitting in the pub, and I suddenly realised, you can be there in a room full of people all happily chatting away to you, laughing and joking. Yet at the same time you can feel completely and utterly alone.

Maybe this is the natural malaise expected after my brush with fame at the weekend (the BBC have sadly departed, and failed to take me with them!)or maybe its the expected exhaustion of filling my life with constant activity recently?

Another problem Ive noticed today is that I seem unable to listen to music anymore. I was loading my mp3 object for Provence trip earlier, and it seems most music reminds me of former girlfriend (we shared very similar taste in such things). Music which has no such association is either:
A;Pathetic happy "how in love are we" music, which leaves me angry at my loss. OR....
B;Wallowing, meaningful, "how could you leave me this way" music, which makes me cry at inopportune moments...

Basically all tunes are out the window for now! Anyway I shall return, with witty drawl on my forthcoming three weeks.....
For now goodbye....x

]]>Its a blog thing?http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/28/its_a_blog_thing~2351619/2007-05-28T23:47:36+02:00 <p> O dear Ive been tagged, and I have to write seven random things about myself ?....Well if I manage to find seven others who haven't already done this so far, then you apparently must do the same.Writing a comment to each person so they know they have been tagged, and writing the rules on your own blog?..Here goes</p> <p>>I will be appearing in several crowd shots on BBC 1 at 6 O'clock on a Sunday some time in September.</p> <p>>I will be wearing a black shirt in aforementioned crowd shots.</p> <p>>I once had an affair with a married "man" (yes that's right a man) for 6 months</p> <p>>I have never found anyone with bigger hands than me.</p> <p>>One of the aforementioned hands has absolutely no feeling at all in it (due to previously discussed horrific accident) which means I can amaze unsuspecting people, by how long I can hold my hand over a naked flame.</p> <p>>I am incredibly vain.</p> <p>>I am five foot ten, even though I insist I'm almost six foot </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/28/its_a_blog_thing~2351619/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> O dear Ive been tagged, and I have to write seven random things about myself ?....Well if I manage to find seven others who haven't already done this so far, then you apparently must do the same.Writing a comment to each person so they know they have been tagged, and writing the rules on your own blog?..Here goes

>I will be appearing in several crowd shots on BBC 1 at 6 O'clock on a Sunday some time in September.

>I will be wearing a black shirt in aforementioned crowd shots.

>I once had an affair with a married "man" (yes that's right a man) for 6 months

>I have never found anyone with bigger hands than me.

>One of the aforementioned hands has absolutely no feeling at all in it (due to previously discussed horrific accident) which means I can amaze unsuspecting people, by how long I can hold my hand over a naked flame.

>I am incredibly vain.

>I am five foot ten, even though I insist I'm almost six foot

]]>"star struck..."http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/26/star_struck~2339845/2007-05-26T22:24:18+02:00 <p> I'm both exhausted and over exited. Due to my brush with the BBC today, In my previously mentioned "work being used for filming of a BBC Sunday evening favourite" scenario... It turns out all production people are incredibly nice. Ive spent most of my day being incredibly nice back. As expected I became totally star struck by the sight of a "star", and as much as id like to say such people are a bunch of stuck up fools. They were actually a bunch of friendly professionals who were happy to let me pester them to take photographs, and explain all the stuff that goes into an hour of television. Tomorrow will be even more interesting as filming continues....<br> All in all an interesting, insightful, alternative to my usual day! And best of all I smiled all day and actually meant it (for a change).... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/26/star_struck~2339845/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> I'm both exhausted and over exited. Due to my brush with the BBC today, In my previously mentioned "work being used for filming of a BBC Sunday evening favourite" scenario... It turns out all production people are incredibly nice. Ive spent most of my day being incredibly nice back. As expected I became totally star struck by the sight of a "star", and as much as id like to say such people are a bunch of stuck up fools. They were actually a bunch of friendly professionals who were happy to let me pester them to take photographs, and explain all the stuff that goes into an hour of television. Tomorrow will be even more interesting as filming continues....
All in all an interesting, insightful, alternative to my usual day! And best of all I smiled all day and actually meant it (for a change)....

]]>everything...http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/24/everthing~2327466/2007-05-24T18:04:52+02:00 <p>Everything happens for a reason...<br> The real courage we can show in life, is having the patience to understand why?. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/24/everthing~2327466/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Everything happens for a reason...
The real courage we can show in life, is having the patience to understand why?.

]]>The masked ball...http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/24/the_masked_ball~2327074/2007-05-24T17:00:15+02:00 <p> Yesterday i listened to a programme on radio 4, which spoke about the mysticism of seeing people you normally only hear. I realised that's just like these blogs, a masked ball. Who are we all, some people here communicate with one another, giving out our deepest thoughts and feelings, but most of us will never put a name and a face to the written words. What would happen if we did take off the masks, would we have anything like the faces we may think we have, would our names and exteriors disappoint when compared to our online pourings.<br> I suspect that some people like myself try to be brutally honest in postings, while others maybe create another version of themselves. Still are these people that dishonest, because there created persona must be in there somewhere.<br> As much as I have bemoaned computers in the past, I'm starting to think that in there own way computers are liberators. A face, and a name, and a job, and clothing, and an accent can get in the way, it can close a mind to whats going on inside.<br> A perfect example of this is when we look at an old person. Most people see the age, the slow reactions , the forgetfulness, the physical juxtapose to ourselves. But inside that old person are a million stories. Once they were young, they may have loved , lost, and loved again. They were someones child, someones lover. They danced, and laughed, and drank, and cried.<br> So maybe we are all allways at one great big masked ball,. Its just that some of us wear bigger masks than others!</p> <p>One is the loneliest number....<br> No messages of any kind from former girlfriend, although I do know that the group as a whole were OK at the weekend, as there site posted some information. I'm undecided whether I want a text/e-mail or not right now. Either way I haven't had one!</p> <p>The BBC cometh....<br> My mind is still effectively being taken up with work......As I explained the other day work is varied, in the week I work in our family business as a garage mechanic. A job which never fails to be a popular topic of conversation with people I meet, being an unusual job for a "girl". I think it surprises them because I don't really look like one, well I don't go down the pub wearing overalls with greasy hands, wielding a wrench anyway!<br> My other main job takes up mostly weekends but can seep into the weekdays also, involves me being a retail manager. Which basically means the pays quite good and I get to boss people around, which is a strength of mine!<br> The exiting thing is the weekend job is about to be used by the BBC as a location for filming! I aim to leap into as many camera shots as possible of course..<br> So the above carry on keeps my days busy, its only the time between closing my eyes, and falling asleep Ive got to sort out now.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/24/the_masked_ball~2327074/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> Yesterday i listened to a programme on radio 4, which spoke about the mysticism of seeing people you normally only hear. I realised that's just like these blogs, a masked ball. Who are we all, some people here communicate with one another, giving out our deepest thoughts and feelings, but most of us will never put a name and a face to the written words. What would happen if we did take off the masks, would we have anything like the faces we may think we have, would our names and exteriors disappoint when compared to our online pourings.
I suspect that some people like myself try to be brutally honest in postings, while others maybe create another version of themselves. Still are these people that dishonest, because there created persona must be in there somewhere.
As much as I have bemoaned computers in the past, I'm starting to think that in there own way computers are liberators. A face, and a name, and a job, and clothing, and an accent can get in the way, it can close a mind to whats going on inside.
A perfect example of this is when we look at an old person. Most people see the age, the slow reactions , the forgetfulness, the physical juxtapose to ourselves. But inside that old person are a million stories. Once they were young, they may have loved , lost, and loved again. They were someones child, someones lover. They danced, and laughed, and drank, and cried.
So maybe we are all allways at one great big masked ball,. Its just that some of us wear bigger masks than others!

One is the loneliest number....
No messages of any kind from former girlfriend, although I do know that the group as a whole were OK at the weekend, as there site posted some information. I'm undecided whether I want a text/e-mail or not right now. Either way I haven't had one!

The BBC cometh....
My mind is still effectively being taken up with work......As I explained the other day work is varied, in the week I work in our family business as a garage mechanic. A job which never fails to be a popular topic of conversation with people I meet, being an unusual job for a "girl". I think it surprises them because I don't really look like one, well I don't go down the pub wearing overalls with greasy hands, wielding a wrench anyway!
My other main job takes up mostly weekends but can seep into the weekdays also, involves me being a retail manager. Which basically means the pays quite good and I get to boss people around, which is a strength of mine!
The exiting thing is the weekend job is about to be used by the BBC as a location for filming! I aim to leap into as many camera shots as possible of course..
So the above carry on keeps my days busy, its only the time between closing my eyes, and falling asleep Ive got to sort out now..

]]>The here and now....http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/21/the_here_and_now~2310550/2007-05-21T20:25:22+02:00 <p> Only those of us who live in the present are truly alive...</p> <p>Those of us who live in the past are old before our time....</p> <p>And those of us who live in the future are the children we would have left behind.....</p> <p> Ive taken to pre writing my entries with good old pen and paper, due to the deprivation Ive suffered away from the machine...<br> Also Ive been rather busy working over the weekend..Now I was going to go into a huge ramble about the very subject of work (actually I will) I have found that I collect vocations like some people collect stamps or worse still thimbles. I have never even from my earliest memories wanted to settle on any one particular thing . Another time i will trawl through these many working avenues . But for now the important thing is , during the last 12 months, Ive worked as little as possible, and spent as much money as possible!<br> Yet now I have lots of time, and a need to fill it with anything and everything I can. Mainly because spare time leads to the thoughts creeping into my head. the silly thoughts that are all too familiar to many , the nagging memories the dreams of possibilities my future may hold and will she be in them? Over the last few days Ive started to feel like "she" is slipping away from my mind, fading like an old photograph that's been left in the sun for too long...<br> Any-how, now I'm happy to focus on the monotony of everyday life, to me its the background noise which numbs my mind , so for now , for right now this is OK....</p> <p> Saturday saw the return of "house owner/former girlfriends best friend/and all round good mate to me" So that evening we decided to go off around the town, visiting all drinking establishments, that either me or him had never frequented before. Has we had both been to most places many times over, we ended up visiting Dickensian dens of iniquity, that are inhabited by the sort of people who "people watching" was invented for!<br> We spent most of the evening having debates on "who is the best superhero?" Incidentally I went for Captain America? I was drunk....<br> The point of all this is, in the moment I forget other things and just had a good time!..... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/21/the_here_and_now~2310550/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> Only those of us who live in the present are truly alive...

Those of us who live in the past are old before our time....

And those of us who live in the future are the children we would have left behind.....

Ive taken to pre writing my entries with good old pen and paper, due to the deprivation Ive suffered away from the machine...
Also Ive been rather busy working over the weekend..Now I was going to go into a huge ramble about the very subject of work (actually I will) I have found that I collect vocations like some people collect stamps or worse still thimbles. I have never even from my earliest memories wanted to settle on any one particular thing . Another time i will trawl through these many working avenues . But for now the important thing is , during the last 12 months, Ive worked as little as possible, and spent as much money as possible!
Yet now I have lots of time, and a need to fill it with anything and everything I can. Mainly because spare time leads to the thoughts creeping into my head. the silly thoughts that are all too familiar to many , the nagging memories the dreams of possibilities my future may hold and will she be in them? Over the last few days Ive started to feel like "she" is slipping away from my mind, fading like an old photograph that's been left in the sun for too long...
Any-how, now I'm happy to focus on the monotony of everyday life, to me its the background noise which numbs my mind , so for now , for right now this is OK....

Saturday saw the return of "house owner/former girlfriends best friend/and all round good mate to me" So that evening we decided to go off around the town, visiting all drinking establishments, that either me or him had never frequented before. Has we had both been to most places many times over, we ended up visiting Dickensian dens of iniquity, that are inhabited by the sort of people who "people watching" was invented for!
We spent most of the evening having debates on "who is the best superhero?" Incidentally I went for Captain America? I was drunk....
The point of all this is, in the moment I forget other things and just had a good time!.....

]]>Working girl...http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/19/working_girl~2295721/2007-05-19T07:47:26+02:00 <p> Never regret....<br> Never regret a moment of your life , no matter how bad that moment may be. </p> <p> Because each moment is leading to the next one, which may be the greatest moment of your life..<br> .<br> From the moment we are conceived to the moment we breath our last, we are in a chain of huge knock on effects.</p> <p> To regret a moment past would be to deny a future one, and to give up on life would be to deny the effects we have on people, we will never know about....</p> <p>......Well that's what I think anyway, I'm off to work now!<br> With regards<br> Myself x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/19/working_girl~2295721/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> Never regret....
Never regret a moment of your life , no matter how bad that moment may be.

Because each moment is leading to the next one, which may be the greatest moment of your life..
.
From the moment we are conceived to the moment we breath our last, we are in a chain of huge knock on effects.

To regret a moment past would be to deny a future one, and to give up on life would be to deny the effects we have on people, we will never know about....

......Well that's what I think anyway, I'm off to work now!
With regards
Myself x

]]>Television gone mad....And more tales from the past...http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/18/television_gone_mad_and_more_tales_from_~2294686/2007-05-18T22:18:46+02:00 <p> Ive spent most of this evening , catching up on some family visiting............The greatest part about it was reversing my grandmothers mobility scooter into the garage!(you are never to old? or too young to mess about on mobility scooters and stair-lifts!) Anyway in the process of "doing the rounds" I get to catch up on some TV i haven't got to watch in a while...</p> <p>-In coronation street , what the hecks going on, Sinbad the brookside sailor is getting some choice lines.."we were so poor I had to use chamois leather on the kids instead of Nappy's" What you couldn't afford pampers or terry towelling but you could afford non dissposble car care products? perhaps if he wasn't allways offering free kebabs to everyone this wouldn't have been a problem.....<br> Then he said... "sorry about our lad, hes gone a bit don corleone recently" referring to his son! Last time I checked no godfathers live in a Wendy house, and sit around in a fiat punto listening to music with David Platte whilst threatening to put there neighbour face down in a bin?!</p> <p>-Eastenders, where do I start. It went from the nausiating scenes of "the ladies" in "the salon" singing along to mika, including Peggy? (as if she listens to mika?) interspersed with pathetic jokes about Ian's saveloys....To Mr Saveloy himself with full Mitchell troop, crashing there car, followed by a calamity of events which had me screaming at the T.v.....</p> <p>........I think ill go back to not watching much TV.</p> <p> On a sadder note. I returned to my current abode , to do some tidying due to impending return of house owner tomorrow. I was sweeping in the kitchen and found a piece of ribbon behind the bin in the kitchen. And it put me back to feeling pretty sad....The ribbon was off a balloon. Balloons that Id bought in March. I organized, with great success a going away party for the, now ex girlfriend, it was a complete surprise to her. I got friends to fly in from abroad, organised food, everything. I managed to get her out of the house and get everyone in, and so she returned....She was so happy , it made me cry to see her so happy, to see people who hadn't managed to see her off before. She must of thanked me a thousand times and I said "you don't have to thank me I'd do anything for because I love you" and she said "but nobody's ever done this for me before".....That was just a couple of months ago, we were so happy... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/18/television_gone_mad_and_more_tales_from_~2294686/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> Ive spent most of this evening , catching up on some family visiting............The greatest part about it was reversing my grandmothers mobility scooter into the garage!(you are never to old? or too young to mess about on mobility scooters and stair-lifts!) Anyway in the process of "doing the rounds" I get to catch up on some TV i haven't got to watch in a while...

-In coronation street , what the hecks going on, Sinbad the brookside sailor is getting some choice lines.."we were so poor I had to use chamois leather on the kids instead of Nappy's" What you couldn't afford pampers or terry towelling but you could afford non dissposble car care products? perhaps if he wasn't allways offering free kebabs to everyone this wouldn't have been a problem.....
Then he said... "sorry about our lad, hes gone a bit don corleone recently" referring to his son! Last time I checked no godfathers live in a Wendy house, and sit around in a fiat punto listening to music with David Platte whilst threatening to put there neighbour face down in a bin?!

-Eastenders, where do I start. It went from the nausiating scenes of "the ladies" in "the salon" singing along to mika, including Peggy? (as if she listens to mika?) interspersed with pathetic jokes about Ian's saveloys....To Mr Saveloy himself with full Mitchell troop, crashing there car, followed by a calamity of events which had me screaming at the T.v.....

........I think ill go back to not watching much TV.

On a sadder note. I returned to my current abode , to do some tidying due to impending return of house owner tomorrow. I was sweeping in the kitchen and found a piece of ribbon behind the bin in the kitchen. And it put me back to feeling pretty sad....The ribbon was off a balloon. Balloons that Id bought in March. I organized, with great success a going away party for the, now ex girlfriend, it was a complete surprise to her. I got friends to fly in from abroad, organised food, everything. I managed to get her out of the house and get everyone in, and so she returned....She was so happy , it made me cry to see her so happy, to see people who hadn't managed to see her off before. She must of thanked me a thousand times and I said "you don't have to thank me I'd do anything for because I love you" and she said "but nobody's ever done this for me before".....That was just a couple of months ago, we were so happy...

]]>The sister...http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/18/the_sister~2292929/2007-05-18T16:51:23+02:00 <p> - Just been to pick up money from my sister (long story but basically she gets paid a fortune yet still borrows money constantly off anyone she can!). It astounds me that we share genes (certainly not jeans! mine would be far too baggy or the wrong shade or just not £200 quid from Harvey nick's!) Today she comes complete with hair extensions and a phone that constantly needs attention. She then chose to bore me with, tales of how great her and "Mr Ferrari" are doing! Not a single how are you doing not that id have greeted such utterings with anything other than "fine ta".</p> <p> - I will be loosing my constant access to the machine tomorrow!!! What will I do? My friend whose house Ive been looking after is returning from his holiday (you know the friend whose the girlfriends sorry, *ex*girlfriends best friend who she was living with pre fantastic journey around the world) well anyway this means my blog entries will be limited to;</p> <p> A-when I come over to his house and use this computer.<br> B-when I go to wretched library to use theres<br> C-When I get my own machine, even though I wont know what to do with it if I got one?</p> <p>.....So my entries from know on will be somewhat scaled down. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/18/the_sister~2292929/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> - Just been to pick up money from my sister (long story but basically she gets paid a fortune yet still borrows money constantly off anyone she can!). It astounds me that we share genes (certainly not jeans! mine would be far too baggy or the wrong shade or just not £200 quid from Harvey nick's!) Today she comes complete with hair extensions and a phone that constantly needs attention. She then chose to bore me with, tales of how great her and "Mr Ferrari" are doing! Not a single how are you doing not that id have greeted such utterings with anything other than "fine ta".

- I will be loosing my constant access to the machine tomorrow!!! What will I do? My friend whose house Ive been looking after is returning from his holiday (you know the friend whose the girlfriends sorry, *ex*girlfriends best friend who she was living with pre fantastic journey around the world) well anyway this means my blog entries will be limited to;

A-when I come over to his house and use this computer.
B-when I go to wretched library to use theres
C-When I get my own machine, even though I wont know what to do with it if I got one?

.....So my entries from know on will be somewhat scaled down.

]]>The great coming out story.......http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/18/the_great_coming_out_story~2292033/2007-05-18T14:01:37+02:00 <p> I have to say this is actually no great coming out story at all. Because my method of coming out has kind of been, as follows-</p> <p> -play as much kd Lang, Joan armatrading, Melissa etheridge, Janis Joplin, music as possible...</p> <p> -Have a great big poster of Annie lennox on your wall at the age of 10!......</p> <p> -Take no interest in chaps at all...(apart from the odd teenage slip, well you've gotta give everything a go)</p> <p> -At the age of 15 get your friends at schoolfriends to reanact scenes from "shes out" (1990's lynda la plante drama with gay undertones)..</p> <p>....Then hope everybody will kind of guess, which apparently they all have . I being the pathetic coward I am , didn't actually come out formally to any family but , I did to friends.....</p> <p> ...After dragging friends of to our local one gay club , several times, and blatantly grabbing anyone who looked my way (or just being flattered by there advances as I like to call it). Id decided this wasn't enough of a hint, Maybe friends would think i'm just messing about?So I decided to do a proper coming out.<br> I chose the time around my birthday, (I seem to be a sucker for messing up April!) on an evening out , in a busy bar. Now at the time id got 1inch sort hair, and had spent the evening moaning about the stupid girlie shoes I had chose to wear. I really didn't need to make any big statements! And then I did it " Ive got to say this now , or I never will, I....I....I'm gay!?!??" silence...then one friend said "o well that's OK at least you havnt got two heads?" (what, o yea at least i havnt got two heads , cos imagine that gay and two heads "actually that could be quite handy, it would be the lesbian version of a dog with two dicks") Then everyone else said "we know , god whats the fuss for, we were having a conversation" and that was that. Mind you it took me another couple of years before the publicly acceptable face of me, and the gay face of me , got together...Infact that only happened last year, Id waited till someone important enough came along before I could actually say "I'm gay, and if anybody doesnt like it ? I don't care!".... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://diaryofanobody.blog.co.uk/2007/05/18/the_great_coming_out_story~2292033/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p> I have to say this is actually no great coming out story at all. Because my method of coming out has kind of been, as follows-

-play as much kd Lang, Joan armatrading, Melissa etheridge, Janis Joplin, music as possible...

-Have a great big poster of Annie lennox on your wall at the age of 10!......

-Take no interest in chaps at all...(apart from the odd teenage slip, well you've gotta give everything a go)

-At the age of 15 get your friends at schoolfriends to reanact scenes from "shes out" (1990's lynda la plante drama with gay undertones)..

....Then hope everybody will kind of guess, which apparently they all have . I being the pathetic coward I am , didn't actually come out formally to any family but , I did to friends.....

...After dragging friends of to our local one gay club , several times, and blatantly grabbing anyone who looked my way (or just being flattered by there advances as I like to call it). Id decided this wasn't enough of a hint, Maybe friends would think i'm just messing about?So I decided to do a proper coming out.
I chose the time around my birthday, (I seem to be a sucker for messing up April!) on an evening out , in a busy bar. Now at the time id got 1inch sort hair, and had spent the evening moaning about the stupid girlie shoes I had chose to wear. I really didn't need to make any big statements! And then I did it " Ive got to say this now , or I never will, I....I....I'm gay!?!??" silence...then one friend said "o well that's OK at least you havnt got two heads?" (what, o yea at least i havnt got two heads , cos imagine that gay and two heads "actually that could be quite handy, it would be the lesbian version of a dog with two dicks") Then everyone else said "we know , god whats the fuss for, we were having a conversation" and that was that. Mind you it took me another couple of years before the publicly acceptable face of me, and the gay face of me , got together...Infact that only happened last year, Id waited till someone important enough came along before I could actually say "I'm gay, and if anybody doesnt like it ? I don't care!"....

]]>