diary of a nobody

Well I am astounded, I mean I am not very regular as far as my postings go. But I have just realised there are some mental people who write on this site. I have just been reading some bogs I haven't read before but all seem to be part of the "in crowd", well what a load of old bollocks, I mean you can all get so vicious and then theres all this name calling (which considering some of you already have the most ridiculous names to start with makes it even more pathetic ) Then there is all this, people making anonymous comments and others deciding who they must be. Then people turning out to have several different identities. Jesus I never realised how seriously some of us like sticking the motions of real life, in all it's banality, onto what could be an amazing way of opening up the possibilities of communication. Some people are looking at there computer screen's with very jaded eyes. We all have opinions, I thought this was somewhere we can share them. I'm going to stick to what I normally do, and say what I want, not feel I have to incite others, or please others, or try to replace any lacking in reality with drama on a computer.

WE DO NOT CHOOSE HOW MUCH OF OURSELVES WE GIVE TO OTHERS, INSTEAD IT IS IN OUR NATURE TO BE WHAT WE ARE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND US..........

In other words it would be daft of us to think we can protect ourselves from being hurt by closing down and not giving too much of what makes us "tick" away, in a kind of "I wont let that happen again" scenario. It simply doesnt work, and would lead to us living half lives.

.............Thought for the day over. I am currently recovering from a bit of a "I drank too many pints of lovely bitter last night" situation....... Again. The main reason for this is the fact that last night at the drinking emporium, it became clear that someone I am acquainted with may have rather taken to me. And I feel It to be within my powers to make more of the situation. She is attractive and rather pleasant by nature.This as set off a whole list of questions in my already deranged mind.....
1. Is there the slightest whiff that I may like this person,
2.I don't think I do?
3. Should I feel like a guilty contradictory fool for thinking for just a millisecond about someone else, when I am elsewhere in the "love" stakes.
4.Why has nobody else noticed the very obvious signs this particular young lady is showing?

......... I really don't need to make a thing about this, I am easily flattered, I am finding being on my own with the future hanging in the balance a bit difficult, work is stressing me out and not helping me to think straight about anything, and besides all that I ain't no cheater, I have seen cheaters, I'm not one of them. I may be officially single, and nobody would blame me. But I would be cheating on myself, to pursue someone for the sake of ego and other such negative reasons. Ive been too happy to become an untruth to myself.........

If I hadn't got enough jobs already,(5 at last count) I thought I'd create a new one, I suddenly decided the other week that I wanted to become a ceramic painter. I already work at a pottery manufacturers and I'm already a freelance artist, so putting the two together seemed like a good idea. Anyway it tuns out I am capable and I am now loudly trying to promote my ideas at work. The big problem is, I am getting pretty close to burning out I'm doing too much, Ive gone from being a lazy ass, to not really stopping for breath, something may give, if I don't do a bit of reorganisation, and soon. I'm thinking the answer may be, to back out of family business, which means I would give up "messing about with cars" which I adore, but I don't get much time to work with my dad now anyway, and to tell you the truth, I may pretend to be all "look at me covered in oil, and I'm a girl" I have never really liked getting my hands dirty!

O.k I am becoming seriously lazy about writing in my blog. But I do have a pretty good excuse....I have moved out of home, and I am now living with mr Q (aka best friend of former girlfriend) and yes that means I am for now the custodian of the bedroom the former girlfriend called home before fantastic life changing world tour ! I know this sounds like a bit of a silly idea, because between the end of this year and next march, she will return from world tour and move back in. And so far, I will move back out (do hope you are keeping up) Basically Mr Q really needed someone to help with bill's, I seem to be suddenly making more money, and I had suffered long enough with the parents (even though I adore them both). The moving was stressful, but I seem to be settled in now, and whats really odd is, this house already felt like a second home anyway seeing as last year I'd spent so much time here (In the midst of very happy relationship with former girlfriend)
Now as it stands, don't forget, me and the former are getting on pretty well currently, or as well as two people who really miss each other but are in different time zones (Cambodia is the destination of fantastic world tour at the moment). She seems OK with this whole me moving in scenario, yet has made no comment on the "don't worry I will be moving out" statement? Will I move out in the spring? Will she move in? Will I get bored of over analyzing my life? who knows, but either way, for now I'm in a nice house near to mamon et papa, near to freinds, near to the pub, near to work, and I'm feeling near to sane!

O my god ,I am never ever ever going to drink again. Went out last night, got so drunk I took over the pubs dance floor with a rendition of "flying down to Rio" dance routine, accompanied by Marillin soundtrack. I apparently acquired an admirer, but my attention for such things are of course non-feasible at present. I ended the night with me and my mate. Mr.Q climbing up a tree in the middle of the round about down the road....Then went home to be very very sick. Then went to work today, I still feel like complete shite. And I hate,hate,hate alchol!

I cant believe it I finally managed to get a picture for my profile, and as with most things I now realise it was very easy to do...

Even though I was v v tired (after saturday and then working Sunday) I went to the sisters birthday meal. Me, mother, father the sister, and mr.Ferrari who had briefly become mr.Aston martin but didn't really like it so reverted back to the Ferrari.
It took place in Knutsford or should I say, in the land of the Cheshire "in crowd". I tried really hard to be chatty and pleasant, and I think I was. Mr Ferrari isn't that bad as it turns out, hes as mental as my sister but with more money. The food was good and the Pimm's was better. My father spent an hour rambling on about "mounting climbing" and "being a vegetarian", so nothing different there. I kept my eyes open and even laughed at the sister and Mr Ferrari's recount of there trip to "Blackpool" just to see what it was like. Which reminded me of how the Victorians used to go and see gory body dissections "just to see what it was like".The question is who is on which side of the bars looking out and who are the interested spectators?.............

Well it rained but that is what I have come to expect.

I did see some of the lowest forms of society (and that was just Lilly Allen).

I wined about the bar Q (finding it impossible to get pissed because it takes so long to get a drink)

I moaned about the lack of female performers and the endless stream of bands with boys in (not to be confused with boy bands).Eventully my freinds retorted with "no there aren't many 40 year old lesbians on are there" and it was suggested that a band called "scouting for girls" may suit!Well my scouting days are over for now. But it was all taken in good humour (which means me taking the piss back)

I got in a temper whilst shopping for my obligatory "festival hat" I settled on a military poor boy hat, which I wasn't entirely happy with.

I hate the fact that I thought it was a good idea to buy poppers as a nod to our youth, only to have an awful headache 3 seconds later.

Mika upset me by singing a eurythmics song (don't touch the holy grail Mika!!!)

I deplore sitting on a bloody car park for hours trying to get home, only to have to get up for work just a few short hours later.

Yet on the other hand....

I love jumping about in mud with my wellington boots on, like a two year old child.

I loved pointing out to everyone the irony of the fact that Lilly Allen made a speech about "oil companies" being bastards, whilst somehow travelling to Stafford to pass the message on! What did she do walk?

I loved the fact that I was still sober enough as darkness fell, to see the pantomimes that folk play out when they have spent the day drinking there contraband booze, as they wander bare foot in the piss and shite of the days events.

I just adore eating "super burritos" and "jerk pork with rice and pea!!" (no boring old "arse of cow burgers" for me)

I was very happy to have the chance to see Rodrigo y Gabriela who I have wanted to see for some time.

The bedouin sound clash were as great as ever

And Damian Rice was truly wonderful had Vivian Long with him (who is a jolly good cellist). I abandoned my freinds to watch him and I'm very glad I did. It was a moment that makes going to V worthwhile.And after saying all that I'd say I had a great if tiring day..

I am doomed to become chained to this computer for the whole weekend. I am attending to friends house again (+2 cats). Which means I will stare at this screen for far too long...Hopefully by tomorrow something absolutely amazing will happen, giving me something amazing to write about....Sadly this is not the case today.........

Just realised the packets of cigarettes I stupidly bought off some bloke in the pub last night, are nothing more than a pile of fake "probably filled with cyanide and sawdust" load of old rubbish! you see last night I got a bit pis**d and I thought they looked alright, plus I got 40 for £4. Now im sober and have my vision back, I think am so daft someone could have sold me "candy cigarettes" and I wouldn't have known! The funny thing is im normally more than happy to hand over silly amounts of money to the vending machine to fuel my "truly vile habit" .